Normally I keep all my dating experiences pretty private, but today I am going to share. Okay, I have good experiences from blind dates, but for the most part I think I was ready to swear off blind dates (for quite a while I think I did). I realize I am the last thing anyone would consider a "catch," but that doesn't mean I enjoy throwing away two hours of my life. I have had some past blind dates that could only be described as awful, but this one takes the cake (hopefully forever!). Someone I know (luckily they don't read the blog) has been bugging me for about 6 to 8 months to set me up on a blind date. I finally relented and said, "okay." My new deal is, I will call the person and MEET them for hot chocolate or ice cream or something. That way, if things go well, you can spend more time. If it doesn't then you don't have to have the awkward drive home, you aren't out 5 hours of your life, or $100.
After work one night, we met up. So, we introduced ourselves, and the first thing I noticed was this girl was not just dressed nicely, she was way overdressed (under dressed if you were measuring fabric). We sat down and began to talk. One of the first things she told me was that although she was about 5'6" she is "not into tall guys." I said, "okay." She said, "it is just a little too much for me." I just smiled, and thought, "okay, got it." Great! There goes the only thing I THOUGHT I had going for me! I jokingly responded that I could "slouch down in my chair and we could pretend I am shorter if she would like" (she didn't laugh). Okay, does not like tall guys, does not think I am remotely funny, got it! Later in the conversation we were talking about our occupations. She asked me how much I made!!! She said she liked to live nicely and is not really interested in dating someone who cannot take care of her needs. I told her that, "I make enough to buy what I need." (Seriously, if I was a millionaire I guarantee no one would ever know. Who wants to be hitched to a gold digger? Is no one looking for love anymore?). She asked, "well, what kind of car do you drive?" Side note: I can't help myself in situations likes these. It is too much of an opportunity for me to have fun. I mean if the date is going to crash and burn, I might as well have fun on the plane ride down, right? I laughed inside as with a straight face I told her "I drive a 1978 Ford Pinto, but that I was working to restore it." I further told her I was "going to paint it purple once I replaced all the rusted out sheet metal." The only sad part about this post is that I cannot convey her facial expressions. She told me she drives an Altima, but expects the man she marries to buy her a Mercedes or a BMW. I always thought honesty was a good policy, but......... So she doesn't like tall guys, does not think I'm funny, needs the finer things........ check, check, check. After hearing what I did for a living she seemed unable to determine whether my job paid well or not. She then asked if my parents were successful. Knowing what she was really asking, I again used my straight face to tell her that they had 7 kids, 17 grand kids, they were always there for us, good people, very religious, etc., so yes, by all means, they are successful. She asked, "well yeah, but what do they do for a living?" I lied again as I told her that "my dad has worked his way into top management among the city sewer maintenance crew." Anyone who knows me, knows I can keep a straight face when I really want to. As I figured it would, the date went from a fast down hill to a complete crash and burn (at least for her, I was enjoying myself immensely). She then said the person who set us up told her I had kids. We talked about them VERY briefly. She said, "well, I don't know about kids." I said, "what is there to know?" (I couldn't wait for the response!) "I just don't know if I would be a good parent, I am not even sure I want kids" she responded. I was more worried about her eating little children then parenting them at this point! She asked what religion I am. I told her. She for some reason did not seem impressed, and maybe even a little annoyed. So just so I understand: no tall guys, no sense of humor, thirsts for $, no kids for her...maybe, and not impressed with the LDS religion.....got it......and I found all of this out in about 30 minutes! Just before the date was going to end, she told me that it had been a REALLY long time since she drank hot chocolate. She was more of a coffee drinker herself. Whoops! Missed one! Still, I think this is a perfect match, huh?! It didn't take too much longer for her to end the date. She excused herself to go to the bathroom and came out carrying her cell phone. She said she had to go because her "sister just got in a car accident and needed a ride." I said, "okay, well it was a pleasure spending time with you, I hope your sister is okay, have a great night." I kid you not, she said, "okay, bye." Right after the date, I called the person who set me up. In my head I kept wondering if they had even met her before they set me up. Was this really their idea of an ideal match for me, or do they hate my guts? I mean was this a double blind date or what? I called them and told them how much fun I had (really I did if you count the messing with her part). I told them to find out if she had fun because I would really like to ask her out again (I had to at least get a little retribution after a night like that). I can't wait to have them avoid my calls, or explain that she really didn't have that much fun. So, that is the story of my worst blind date ever. However, the whole way home I was laughing as I thought what an awesome blog post it would make! You don't need to thank me, I am willing to sacrifice myself so you can have something interesting to read..........once every six months or so. At least the hot chocolate was good.......
the first FIVE years
