Do you know what I love? Someone swerving into my lane just as I am about to pass them. I instantly think to myself, "holy cow, that person must be drunk!" As I decide to test the waters to pass them again, I realize what is really going on. What a relief, they weren't driving drunk........they were just staring straight down at their phone to text someone while going 70 MPH on the freeway. I am so glad there was nothing for me to get all excited about. All I can say is, are you kidding me?!! I think I would prefer the drunk person. At least they are making an EFFORT to look at what is going on in front of them. My favorite thing though is this. I normally drive a mini-van. Every so often my van is not available and so I drive one of our, what I call, "polygamist vans." It is not a true polygamist van because it does not have the 15 or whatever seats, but it is the same size. I love driving the polygamist vans because they are huge, and you sit up higher then even most of the lifted pickups. So, I am in the process of passing a car and they start to swerve because they are texting. All of the sudden in their peripheral vision they see this huge enormous white blob (no, not me, the van). I am not worried about getting hit because I am in one of the biggest vehicles on the road. They practically drop their phone (as well they should!) as they try to correct their blunder. It makes me laugh so hard, and it happens all the time. It is like when people in High School do a drive by mooning and it scares the people to death (I wouldn't know, I have just heard). I have to admit, I have texted while driving before. First of all, I didn't suck at driving and texting half as bad as some people. Second, I quit doing it when I realized how completely stupid it is. I drive enough for work, and have seen enough stuff happen to know just how much can happen in the one second you take your eyes off the road. I have been EXTREMELY blessed that I have never been in an accident in the over 400,000 miles (not an exaggeration, maybe even understated) I have driven in the last 5 years (knock on wood). I will admit my biases and tell you that that I am not a huge fan of texting. I think it is a great way to send a quick message. Anything that takes more than 3 minutes of my time to text would be shorter in a phone conversation or e-mail. All of that is beside the point when it comes to driving and texting. So, if you text while driving, I love you like a brother, but for your safety and everyone around you, put the stinking phone down!
Have I told you how much I love the gym lately? I love the feeling of working out both physically and mentally for sure, but I also love the experiences I have there. The experiences I get more than make up for the membership fees, they are priceless! Last night I went with a friend from work to the gym. We ended up playing 5 games of one-on-one basketball. We can just say that I had a losing record and leave it at that. Anyway, after he went home I went on with my normal workout routine. I was running on a treadmill, when a guy........how can I put this......even more big boned than me, started walking on the treadmill next to me. We started talking, and he started giving me all kinds of workout advice (and I didn't even have to ask for it!). This actually happens A LOT. Just so everyone knows, I will never be some amazingly fit hulk of a man, and even if I was, I would never give workout advice to anyone. This guy was probably 5'9" and I guarantee he weighs more than I do. So, he goes on giving me all of these tips, and I am just humoring him. All the while I am thinking, "I am running on the treadmill, and he is walking, yet he is giving me tips on how I need to workout, hmmmm. By the way, I HATE running. I just make myself do it because I think it stinks to be a fat man. Eventually he says I should buy this great shake mix that gives you all of this energy for working out. I ask him how much they charge for it. He tells me, and it is two and a half times more than a monthly gym pass, AND it is only for two weeks worth of mix. It must be a sickness with me, because once again I found myself in a position where I just couldn't stop. So I keep a straight face as I politely respond that "I might check out the shake mix, but I sort of have my own secret to get energy for working out." He asks, "well what do you do?" So, I tell him that "just before I come to the gym I usually eat two or three Twinkies. This gives me a huge sugar rush and gives me all the energy I need for my two hour workout." He responds, "oh that is great and all, but maybe you really should check out the shake mix." Facial expressions are sometimes worth a million words. He was soon done with his treadmill routine and we said our goodbyes. I bet he went home to his wife and told her all about the 6'4" Twinkie eating freak running next to him at the gym that night. That only makes me laugh harder.
the first FIVE years
