Somewhere about 150 miles from Salt Lake City, Utah lies the little city of Scipio. This seemingly innocent small town is, in reality, a smorgasbord for weird happenings. I am not talking the alien landing kind of stuff, just the odd and unusual. If you think this is just me, ask around! I can almost guarantee by the time you get to person number five, you will hear some weird story. So, I had to take a drive down to Fillmore for work today. Naturally, on the way back I had to stop in Scipio. I knew that whatever happened, would make for a sweet story. I had some friends stop there around Christmas time to claim a weird experience of their own. They left with nothing. I was confident I would be able to do better. There are three gas stations in Scipio. I naturally chose the most run down one in search of my latest (and ever increasing) weird experience. I walked around the convenience store for a little bit, just waiting for something to happen. To my disappointment, nothing seemed to happen. I waited a few minutes more, got a Gatorade, and looked at everything else they were selling. It appeared nothing was going to happen. After hearing my friend's lack of a story, and then experiencing nothing, I thought perhaps the "magic" has left this little town. Then, I finally found this:
It is a 36" gummy snake. On its label, it states that it is the largest gummy snake in the world! It only cost $1.50! While I was a looking for so much more, I figured this would have to fit the bill for the odd and unusual. I mean seriously, who would ever think of making this thing, and better yet, selling it? This is the size of an actual snake!
I started to head to the front with my carefully selected merchandise. The cashier (who at age 60 or so, looked as though she had just smoked a lifetime of cigarettes in the last 20 minutes), was helping a lady in front of me. As they were talking, the cashier asked the other lady what she was doing down this way. The lady responded that her work had sent them down to a "conflict resolution" conference in St. George. The cashier responded that she calls those "hate" conferences. She went on to say that the only reason they have those is to stop hate in the workplace. She went even further by bragging that, while working at a True Value hardware store, she caused the whole store to participate in one. She apparently had dated another employee and they broke up on bad terms. She then proceeded to tell everyone they worked with that he had a small "part of his male anatomy" (only she used the textbook term). SURPRISINGLY this caused a bad work environment! She finished telling this account to the very shocked stranger, just as she finished the transaction. I stood in line smiling to myself at finally having accomplished my mission.
Just as the other lady was turning to leave, I walked up with my purchases. While the other lady was still there, the cashier said, "see, a good looking, strapping man like you doesn't have to worry about the size of your 'part of the male anatomy,' do you?" Side note: I often worry that in this world we can all get a little too desensitized. I am happy to report that, on some level, my shock sensors still alarm like crazy. I about choked and thought, "WOW! WOW! WOW!, did she really just say that to me?" I just sat there, not knowing what to say. She said, "oh come on, just look at you, I am sure you have a big one." WOOOOOOOOOOOOW! This certainly could not be real! I quietly responded that I have never really taken the time to compare myself to anyone else. She said, "well, I am sure you have nothing to worry about." Note to self: for the first time in your life Kent, keep your mouth shut! Don't fuel this fire, it is already about to consume all who dare stand around it! I thought how odd it was that this lady could say this to me. If I were to comment on the size of her chest, I think I would, and should, instantly be thrown up against the wall by the harassment police. I mean who was this lady? Does she fill in for Howard Stern when he is on vacation? I quickly grabbed my change, and my merchandise, and headed back to the van in a near sprint. For several moments I had to replay the events that had just taken place. I finally came to terms with them as I laughed in shock for the next 150 miles back to Salt Lake. Here I thought I would just see something funny or weird, when I ventured into the small town. Instead I was directly involved in the weirdness. Forrest Gump's Mother used to say, "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Apparently she has never been to Scipio. That analogy on life's surprises is amplified by about ten million times in this town. I swear that their welcome sign should read: "Welcome to Scipio, The Weirdest Town in the Country." Eat your heart out Kelly and Stacey!
It is a 36" gummy snake. On its label, it states that it is the largest gummy snake in the world! It only cost $1.50! While I was a looking for so much more, I figured this would have to fit the bill for the odd and unusual. I mean seriously, who would ever think of making this thing, and better yet, selling it? This is the size of an actual snake!
I started to head to the front with my carefully selected merchandise. The cashier (who at age 60 or so, looked as though she had just smoked a lifetime of cigarettes in the last 20 minutes), was helping a lady in front of me. As they were talking, the cashier asked the other lady what she was doing down this way. The lady responded that her work had sent them down to a "conflict resolution" conference in St. George. The cashier responded that she calls those "hate" conferences. She went on to say that the only reason they have those is to stop hate in the workplace. She went even further by bragging that, while working at a True Value hardware store, she caused the whole store to participate in one. She apparently had dated another employee and they broke up on bad terms. She then proceeded to tell everyone they worked with that he had a small "part of his male anatomy" (only she used the textbook term). SURPRISINGLY this caused a bad work environment! She finished telling this account to the very shocked stranger, just as she finished the transaction. I stood in line smiling to myself at finally having accomplished my mission.
Just as the other lady was turning to leave, I walked up with my purchases. While the other lady was still there, the cashier said, "see, a good looking, strapping man like you doesn't have to worry about the size of your 'part of the male anatomy,' do you?" Side note: I often worry that in this world we can all get a little too desensitized. I am happy to report that, on some level, my shock sensors still alarm like crazy. I about choked and thought, "WOW! WOW! WOW!, did she really just say that to me?" I just sat there, not knowing what to say. She said, "oh come on, just look at you, I am sure you have a big one." WOOOOOOOOOOOOW! This certainly could not be real! I quietly responded that I have never really taken the time to compare myself to anyone else. She said, "well, I am sure you have nothing to worry about." Note to self: for the first time in your life Kent, keep your mouth shut! Don't fuel this fire, it is already about to consume all who dare stand around it! I thought how odd it was that this lady could say this to me. If I were to comment on the size of her chest, I think I would, and should, instantly be thrown up against the wall by the harassment police. I mean who was this lady? Does she fill in for Howard Stern when he is on vacation? I quickly grabbed my change, and my merchandise, and headed back to the van in a near sprint. For several moments I had to replay the events that had just taken place. I finally came to terms with them as I laughed in shock for the next 150 miles back to Salt Lake. Here I thought I would just see something funny or weird, when I ventured into the small town. Instead I was directly involved in the weirdness. Forrest Gump's Mother used to say, "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Apparently she has never been to Scipio. That analogy on life's surprises is amplified by about ten million times in this town. I swear that their welcome sign should read: "Welcome to Scipio, The Weirdest Town in the Country." Eat your heart out Kelly and Stacey!
