Look What I Am

Tinkerbell likes to play in her room alone occasionally. She will usually create something and want to show everyone. My sister comes over and hangs out sometimes. She often will watch a show called "Ace of Cakes." The show is a contest of real people making these incredible cakes for special events. Tinkerbell decided that she was going to be a baker today. She assembled an amazing pretend pony cake out of toys and blocks from her room.

McQueen found this bag. As you can see it is from a cooking supply store and has a picture of some tongs. He picked it up, slapped it to his forehead, and came right over to Tinkerbell and me. He said, "Look at me, I'm a moose." He is hilarious. I would not even have thought of using that bag to turn myself into a moose. It is amazing how he sees things, and how often he can make those around him laugh.

Guess the Picture

*Just so this and future posts make sense, I have changed something. Instead of calling the kids T and A, I will now refer to them as McQueen and Tinkerbell. I am using Blurb to edit my blog into a book. This is something I plan on doing every year. "T" always comes up on the spell checker and is easy to change. "A" does not. From now on I will refer to them by these different names because both of them come up on Blurb's spell checker.*

Guess what this is a picture of. I am sure it looks disgusting, but it may be something different than you're thinking. This is a picture of a cake. Okay, so I am not a complete idiot, I know that if you try to spread frosting on a cake that is not sufficiently cool, it will take the top layer off. Why did I do it anyway? First, let me be clear on something. I didn't! I had McQueen and Tinkerbell do it, so that I could be blameless.

Grandpa turned 67 this last Thursday. Friday night we made a cake for him. It finished cooking right about the time dinner was over. We waited and waited for it to cool, but bedtime was quickly approaching, so I figured, whatever. All of us (including the kids) were dying laughing as the kids took turns globing frosting on the cake. It was so much fun for everyone. It is just one of those things that is fun to laugh at. Also, the picture does not show it, but it gets even better. I put the cake in the oven, and then I set the timer on the microwave. Someone (who shall remain nameless) who needed to use the microwave just cleared the timer and used the microwave. I was trying to reconstruct the approximate time in my head, after only later finding out about the timer. When I think it is about right, I decide to do the toothpick test. I do, and the second I poked it, the middle of the cake forms a crater that would rival some of the ones of the moon. We all had a good laugh, and the cake was actually very delicious despite the appearance which would suggest otherwise. Through all of us laughing, we had to remind Grandpa that we were the only ones who made him a cake for his birthday, so he should be thankful..............maybe.

Here the kids are, excited as can be. They are just waiting for their teacher to call them over to start their lessons this morning.

Today they focused on learning how to float on their backs. They started by using their kick boards as floatation devices.

Tinkerbell was a little apprehensive

Even more so without the board. Check out just how high those legs are out of the water!
They both had a ton of fun and are becoming regular little fish.

• Today we were at the store doing our grocery shopping. The kids were so helpful, as they always are. They asked, "what is next on the list Dad?" I responded, "face wash." A asked, "what on earth is a face watch and where do we find it?" I laughed as I pictured a face watch. I imagine it to be a watch that is like a head band. The only short coming in the design would be for the wearer. Sure, everyone else could clearly see the time on their forehead, but they would have to find a mirror somewhere if they ever wanted to know the time.

The Chinese Man and the Gangster

The Chinese Man

Apparently my work shipped some medical supplies to a patient's previous address. In the course of some other things, I was asked to pick up the supplies and then take them to their new address. I went to their old home and knocked on the door. A little old Chinese man, who talked exactly like Jackie Chan, answered the door. I asked him for the medical supplies and my arms were soon loaded with four good size boxes. I thanked him and turned to leave. He said, "wait, there is more." I thought to myself, "holy cow! how much stuff did we ship these people?" He then came out with a stack of mail and two toys. He said, "these things came in the mail and I found these toys around the apartment.....since you are going that way, yes?" I think I was too surprised and just replied, "yes?" He then said, "okay, bye" and shut the door. One of the toys kept singing me a song the whole way to their new home. It was fantastic! I got to their new home and they took everything, except one of the toys because they said it was not theirs. I ended up taking it to D.I. (at least it was not the noisy toy). I just have to say thank you to the Chinese man for helping me to reunite the mail and toys to this family. Not only did I give them medicine and supplies to keep them healthy, I also played the role of the mailman and Santa Claus. Two more things I can check off my list before I die.

The Gangster
Earlier today, around lunch time, my belly began to growl. I stopped off at a Carl's Jr. that happened to be right there. I was in a shadier part of Salt Lake. As I was leaving the drive through, there was a guy standing there who asked me if I had any spare change. I apologized as I honestly told him that I didn't (I rarely carry cash, especially while I am at work and I just use my debit card everywhere). When I told him this, he responded, "whatever, F you then." I smiled and said, "okay, well, have a great day." I then turned onto the street and had to wait at a red light. This guy had moved to the sidewalk. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him making all sorts of motions. It caught my attention and I looked at him. Either he was having a conniption fit or he was flashing some gang signs at me. I decided in my head that it was the latter, and although I tried to hold back, I started laughing my head off.......out loud! Most people may worry about getting shot, but I was laughing so hard I was crying! Why did I think it was so funny? This is what went through my head:

1. This guy was dressed pretty similar to how I would dress on a normal day. Not so much what you would call gangsteresque type clothing. If anyone thinks I could pass for a gangster, I just have one thing to say: "hey essay, let's take my Impala to the hood and bust some caps and eighty-six that honky."
2. He was walking everywhere. What is he going to do, run after me, or track me down by riding twelve routes on the bus? I was driving my work van, and not even my work van, but someone else's assigned work van. It is not like he saw my car, or my license plate, or anything else. How on earth does this guy think he is going to track me down? If he did track me down, he would be too tired from walking the whole way to my house to do anything.
3. Finally, the thing that caused most of my laughter. This guy is begging for spare change! I may not be a rocket scientist, but I like to think. I am thinking someone who is begging for spare change probably does not have the money for a gun (even in this economy), let alone the money to buy the bullets to shoot from said gun.

So, to my wannabe gangster friend, I say, "sorry I didn't have any spare change, catch you later homes!"

Weekend Wrap Up

Friday
This weekend we had a great time. We spent Friday running errands, including getting our car emission/safety tested and registered (what a fun thing to spend money on!). We fixed a few tiny things around the house, and then had some Little Caesar's pizza for dinner.

Saturday
We went to a birthday party for one of T and A's really good friends. We all had a great time. They had a swimming party with pizza and cupcakes. I especially enjoyed watching T entertain the entire group of kids with his antics while they were eating pizza. We had so much fun that it was hard for us to leave. We ran to the store and the movie "Annie" was on sale for $5. We bought it and watched it while we relaxed at night. It is a fun, cute show, but interesting as well. The kids asked a lot of questions and it is hard to remember that they don't know a lot of how the world is. It was interesting to explain to them that some people don't have parents, and all about orphanages and adoption. On the other hand, I really liked it because I can use it as a teaching moment for the kids, to help them to realize our blessings. They had genuine, honest questions and showed genuine concern for the characters in the movie. I love how sensitive their hearts are, and how much they feel for others.

Here is a swimming close-up of A
T is having the time of his life

Sunday

T was asked to give the scripture in Primary. He had it all memorized and did not need any help. When they called him up to do the scripture I just sat back in my seat. He seemed to not know when to speak, so the Primary President came and helped him. He is so funny, but he did a great job! T & A were somewhat surprised when I didn't leave the Primary. When it was time for sharing time they were surprised to hear that I would be helping. I was asked to go in and talk to the kids a little bit about the Priesthood. When I first started talking to all the kids, T and A kept asking me what I was doing in there. Apparently they didn't like me walking on their turf. After the initial shock, I think they enjoyed having their Daddy in there for a minute. I, at least had fun being there.

Monday

Our President's Day was pretty uneventful. Mondays seem to almost always be our laundry and cleaning day. The kids were actually really great helpers today and we had fun doing our chores. We even rearranged all the furniture in their rooms, which they thought was awesome.

I went to put a wash in and I came back to see A looking like this. First of all, yes she is wearing one of my shirts. They both love to wear them to bed. I have figured out that they both tuck the shirts around their feet once they're in their beds. It seems to create this little cocoon for them or something. Well, this morning I fed them breakfast and then went to put in the first load of laundry. I saw A and could not figure out for the life of me what she had got on her shirt. Apparently she was holding the Ritz crackers while T shot the substance in the next picture.

Yes, it is true. Apparently I have not had this in the house enough to teach them the proper firing technique..........and they call it EASY cheese?

• While we were at the dealership, getting the safety and emissions done on the car I looked at a new truck I really liked. I looked down at the sticker and shook my head as I said to myself, "41." The kids both said, "what is 41 Dad?" I said, "that is how much money that truck costs." A said, "oh, then you should buy it, you have 41 dollars don't you?" I told her that it was $41,000 dollars. She said, "oh, then I don't think you have enough money for it today." This is a phrase I tell the kids quite often when they keep asking for new toys every time we go to the store.
• A sang her Valentine's song for Grandpa and Grandma the other day. As soon as she finished, T said, "this place is just like a circus!" in a silly voice.
• T was being uncooperative the other day. I told him that I would count to 5. When he didn't pay any attention, I started counting. This annoyed him immensely and he said, "don't you know when you count that it only makes me more angry?"
• As I was moving their furniture today, the kids were having a ball. They seemed particularly impressed when I moved their queen beds. T said, "wow Dad, good thing you go to the gym, or else there is no way you would be able to move this huge bed." In my head I thought, right, because as anyone can tell, I am all of the sudden some huge muscle man. Listen, I don't think it is a good idea for me to ruin their illusions at such a young age. They literally tell people that I know everything and that I am such a strong giant. I say let them be kids just a little longer. When they are teenagers, they will think I know nothing and that I am the biggest dork in the world.

How Could Anyone Say No?

A Cute Valentine's Day Request

The Mountain

The Mountain

TWO MEN AND A MOUNTAIN, EACH MUST CLIMB
PREPARING TO ACT, KNOWING THIS WAS THEIR TIME
EACH MAN FOUND, A TRAIL TO ASCEND
A PATHWAY TO GUIDE, THE TIME THEY’D SPEND
ONE MAN FOUND THE WAY, STRAIGHT TO THE TOP
HE PASSED BY EVERYTHING, FOR NOTHING HE’D STOP
HE’D SURELY WIN THE RACE, UP THE GREAT HILL
HE’D BE THE BEST, BY DETERMINATION AND WILL
HE WALKED PAST THE BEAUTY, BEFORE HIS FACE
TO HIM THIS WAS NOTHING, MORE THAN A RACE
THE OTHER MAN WALKED, A LONG WINDY LINE
HIS LUNGS FILLED WITH AIR, FROM EACH MOUNTAIN PINE
WHILE CLIMBING HIGHER, UPON HIS CHOSEN ROUTE
HE CAME UPON OTHERS, THE MOUNT HAD WORN OUT
HE GAVE OF HIS WATER, HE HELPED THEM TO THEIR FEET
HE PUSHED THEM ALONG, WITH ENCOURAGEMENT SO SWEET
HE STOPPED TO TAKE IN BEAUTY, OF SCENERY ALL AROUND
HE TOOK TIME TO GROOM THE TRAIL, FOR OTHERS TO ABOUND
HE STOPPED TO THANK THE LORD, FOR ALL HE HAD BESTOWED
MARVELLING AT EACH CREATION, AS HE WALKED ALONG THIS ROAD

THE FIRST MAN REACHED THE TOP, IN A RECORD PACE
HE LOOKED DOWN PROUDLY, HE KNEW HE’D WON THE RACE
BUT, THEN THE FINISH LINE, THE SECOND MAN CROSSED
IN THIS SINGLE INSTANT, THE FIRST REALIZED HE’D LOST
THE FIRST MAN REACHED, THE TOP WITH GREAT SPEED
BUT THE SECOND STOPPED, TO FULFILL ANOTHER'S NEED
HE NOTICED ALL GOD, HAD PUT BY HIS WAY
HE NOTICED THE LITTLE THINGS, IN EVERY DAY
HE LOOKED BACK DOWN, TO A PATH HE’D NEVER FORGET
HE FOUND JOY IN HIS JOURNEY, AND LEFT WITHOUT REGRET
THE FIRST MAN ONLY MOURNED, FOR ALL HE HAD MISSED
IN HIS QUICK RACE TO THE TOP, MEMORIES DID NOT EXIST
WE CAN BE JUST LIKE, THE TWO MEN WHO MADE THIS CLIMB
OUR CHOICE IN HOW WE LIVE, WE WILL CHOOSE IN OUR PRIME
THIS JOURNEY STARTS AND ENDS, FOR ALL WITH BIRTH AND DEATH

OUR MEMORIES AT JOURNEYS END, IS DECIDED WITHIN EACH BREATH

Scripture and Swimming

SCRIPTURE

This week A was chosen to give the scripture in Primary. They handed me the little paper in the hallway in church last week. The paper said, A has been asked to give the Primary SCRIPTURE on Sunday February 8 at 11am. The scripture for this month is: "The family is ordained of God" the 7th paragraph of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." So, I worked with her a few times and we read over the paragraph together. It was a long one and I figure they chose her because they knew she was small enough to have a parent help her. So, today we went into the Primary. When it was her turn, we went up there together. I whispered all of the words to her, and other than a really, really tiny bit of the giggles, she was flawless. She even did amazingly well pronouncing a lot of the long, big words. After telling her how proud of her I was, I left and went off to Elder's Quorum. In the break between Elder's Quorum and Sunday School, the Primary secretary handed me another paper. Apparently the person who gives the scripture, prayer, talk, etc. gets to draw the name of a child who gets to do the same task the following week. A drew T's name. So, they handed me a similar paper which read: T has been asked to give the Primary SCRIPTURE on Sunday February 15 at 11am. The Scripture for this month is: "The family is ordained of God" (that is all he has to say). Needless to say, after reading this I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I jokingly asked the people later if I was indeed the biggest idiot in the world. While they were kind enough to not use those words, they confirmed what I already knew. I thought it was pretty hilarious. To all those Primary children who had to sit through the longest scripture ever, I say, "you're welcome!" :)

SWIMMING LESSONS

For their birthday this year, my sister paid for the kids to have their very first swimming lessons. It was a really awesome gift because I was looking to put the kids into some swimming lessons anyway. This will for sure be something we continue, at least for a little bit. I figure they are at the age where they are really ready to learn this stuff. Also, since we are out on the boat so much in the summer time, I thought it would be especially important. They had a ton of fun! They learned how to hold their breath under water without holding their nose, and they learned how to kick their legs using one of the kickboards. It was really fun to watch them. Of course, the pictures did not turn out that well. Lately, on Saturday mornings the kids and I have been heading over to the church at 8AM. I play basketball with some fellow ward members, and every one's kids play together on the stage. Afterwards, we went straight over to swimming. In my rush to get us out the door, I forgot the camera. Therefore, the pictures all come courtesy of my terrible (but better than nothing) camera phone.

They were really good listeners to their swimming teacherA is here taking a break and chatting it up with her new friend.
Looking at this picture, I could only come to one conclusion. Apparently someone has filled the pool with lemon juice and A must have gotten some in her mouth. Enough of the pranks already people! These are children we are talking about here!
Here, T is holding on to the side of the pool to practice kicking his legs
Judging by that rooster tail behind him, I estimate T's speed at about 30 mph. What can I say, he is a quick learner.

• The only constant struggle in church seems to be getting the kids to talk in a whisper. They usually are not bad in church, just have a hard time controlling their volume. I kept asking them to please whisper. T responded, "I have an idea Dad, how about we talk about this later, after church is over!" Right, as opposed to us having a talk about it before, during, AND after currently.
• A asked me how come I don't ever have to talk in a whisper. I responded that I was talking in a whisper, and that I always make sure to whisper in Sacrament Meeting. She said, "well that is good for you, but I don't like it!"
• I was helping A with something today. Before I knew what was happening, I saw that T had crawled under two rows of benches in front of us. He startled the crap out of the former Primary President by suddenly popping up and asking if he could sit with them today. She is so nice to the kids and they love to sit with her. She of course said yes and he loved it. I can only imagine what he was saying the whole time he was up there, because he had their teenagers laughing the whole time.
• T said the bedtime prayers tonight. He says very sweet, sincere prayers and usually includes everyone. He usually always says something about A and her beautiful pictures and what a great sister she is. Tonight he didn't. After he was finished, A said, "T that was NOT one of your best prayers. You didn't even talk about the important things.........like ME!"
• Yesterday, and a tiny bit today, the kids convinced my parents to play the Wii. The rule is no one can play it without involving Grandma or Grandpa (since it was their Christmas present). The kids were so excited to tell me all about their experience. They said, "Dad, guess what, we played bowling and Mariokart with Grandma and Grandpa and we WASTED THEM!" I do not know where they learned that phrase, but I was proud that the senior citizens did not get the best of them.

Look What the Dentist Did to this Kid!

This short clip is hilarious!

Apparently I've Been Giving Everyone the Bird!

Yes, it is true. I have been going around to everyone I know, and been giving them the bird. It has not been intentional and I am really sorry if I have offended anyone. I sincerely hope that you can forgive me. It was never something that I meant to do, but I can't seem to stop either. Please forgive me now and in the future. I checked a couple of times to make sure, but according to a quiz on some website, it is true...........

I AM BIG BIRD!

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you live your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

I don't know if it helps, but I am supposedly a good kisser. I am not bragging, but if some random thing on the internet says it's true, it MUST be (just don't ask the three girls in my whole life that I have ever kissed).....

I Am an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Yeah, I know at least three girls who thought it was pretty forgettable. But just look at all the girls around me now!...........wait, I promise they were JUST here!

Easy Fernando!

Sometimes I can be quite philosophical in life. I often can sit back and ponder deeper meanings in situations and experiences. I challenge my beliefs, I think of the best course of action in situations, etc. Sometimes I just ponder the meaning of my life. Like each of you, I am like an onion. I am constantly peeling back new layers of my life. Once I have figured out one layer, I peel back another. This process goes on all through life, one layer at a time. While I have not figured out every layer in the meaning of my life, I have recently figured out another one. I have, or I am placed in, weird situations. The question I have been asking myself is: "Why?" The answer: for everyone else to be able to laugh and be entertained at my expense. So, to all of you, I say "you're welcome!"

Last night, late in the evening I went to the gym to workout. When I was done with my normal workout, I headed into the basketball court to shoot some hoops (as I often do). As I was shooting, I noticed another guy shooting hoops at the other end of the court. This does not happen very often at 12:45am. Anytime there is anyone else in the gym, I usually challenge them to a game of basketball. I figure if they beat me, it has only helped me to learn, and challenged me to be better. When I win, then it is just a ton of fun. So, I challenged this guy whom I later found out was named Fernando. I guess I was not paying a lot of attention to him as I was shooting hoops on my own. When we started to play I noticed how he was dressed as well as how he dribbled. Where most people tend to dribble the ball, he sort of slapped the ball. Another thing I noticed, was that he seemed to like to guard me a little closer than anyone I have ever played basketball with before. The reason this was slightly more alarming was that he was about 5'10" and I am 6'4". Therefore, even if he is right there, I can still shoot right over him if we are by the basket. I decided that I would rather just shoot from the three point line where Fernando kept his distance. I still guarded him, but kept my distance as well. I still rejected quite a few of his shots while still being a "personal space" distance away from him. Luckily, my outside game was pretty decent last night and the game was over quickly. I ended up making it to the 11 point victory mark while he was at the 2 point mark. Towards the end I started to think maybe I had misjudged Fernando. Maybe he really wasn't gay, and only interested in basketball after all...............that is, until he asked if I wanted to go to dinner with him sometime, or to the bar to get some drinks! I politely declined, and not just because I don't drink. I made it quite clear that I am playing for the other team. While I was not rude, I made sure he knew I was talking about the gender I am attracted to, not just that we were on opposing teams on the basketball court. Sorry Fernando, I know as well as anyone that rejection can be tough. However, as bad as dating can be, I will be single my whole life before I will ever switch teams...............I may choose my basketball competitors a little more carefully in the future though!

• A was sort of misbehaving in church today. I asked her to stop and she didn't. T said, "I guess that our Jesus A is gone, and our Satan A is here." I had to keep from laughing hysterically as I told him that she is never like Satan. I told him that we all love Jesus, but sometimes we all make bad choices. I don't even know where he would have learned anything like that, but it was hilarious.
• Tonight I was playing this new game with the kids that they got for their birthday. They get to fulfill pizza orders, and it is a great game in memorization. Just for fun I sang to them, "......when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore." A sang back, "when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a moron." Really hilarious since she thought that was the word and since she has no idea what that means.
• I kept asking the kids to be quiet in Sacrament meeting today. T finally sort of yelled, "Daddy if I wanted to shush and be quiet, I would!" Needless to say, I had to stifle all laughter until we finished the conversation.
• The kids were both sort of throwing fits about something they wanted to do. I said, "oh no, I thought for sure that I had two big kid 5 years olds that can talk and do not need to throw fits." T responded, "well then I am going back to being 4 because I am very upset!"