Ashley and I went on our first date in January of this year. I was very cautious in moving the relationship along because I was scared I was not good enough, and I was scared that either I or the kids could get hurt. I now KNOW I am not good enough for her and I am willing to chance my being hurt for the happiness of being with her. After going out at least once a week for four months, I finally introduced her to the kids. A week later I kissed her for the very first time, although we shared many conversations about when our first kiss would occur. About the time this post hits my blog, I will be kneeling on one knee to propose to my sweetheart, and the girl I hope will accept my proposal, to be my eternal companion. I won't go into the details of how I will ask/have asked her. I will leave that up to people asking her. What I instead want to address is why I so badly want to ask her. I love Ashley with all my heart. Typing that even now brings tears to my eyes. I have been truly blessed by a loving Heavenly Father with one of his most amazing daughters. I know that, I am so thankful for that, and I treasure that. In times of sadness, some question, "what have I done to deserve this?" The blessing of Ashley in my life instead makes me deeply ponder in a completely different way "what I have done to deserve this." Ashley is beautiful in every sense of the word. There is no question of her physical beauty. From her looks, to way she carries herself, to her modest dress. She is gorgeous. She has the sweetest face and the most loving eyes. Her outer beauty is only enhanced by the inner beauty she possesses. She radiates such a bright light from deep within her soul. It seems to pierce me to the heart and brightens all around her. She is truly gorgeous.
Ashley is so sweet in so many amazing ways. She could make anyone's heart melt with her sweet gentle nature. Children, not just McQueen and Tinkerbell flock to her and follow her in droves. She is especially sweet to Tinkerbell and McQueen. She cares for them and truly loves them as her own. She is so gentle and kind, that everyone can see her love for them and their deep love for her. My love for her grows so deeply as she loves my children. She is as sweet to me as anyone, which I am sure requires much more patience. Even when she sees the many imperfections in me, she does not use harsh tones, words, or deeds to make me better. She uses gentleness and sweetness to make me want to be better. She inspires those around her through kindness and people therefore gravitate towards her. She builds others up through sweetness rather then tearing them down in bitterness. Anyone can be harsh and tear things down. Ashley has mastered a sweetness that builds and creates. If kind words and deeds were hammers and nails, it would be breathtaking to see the beautiful city she has created around her.
Ashley is amazingly thoughtful. She constantly worries herself sick in the behalf of others. Her worry leads to action, and that action leads to others receiving help, nurturing, love, or healing. It has been said there are a couple different kinds of people. Those who sit on the sidelines, those who help when asked, and those who recognize a need and act. Ashley is very much the one who recognizes needs and takes care of others. She truly astounds me by the way she serves and knows those around her. She is always a friend, even when a friend might be hard to find. The kind of love Ashley gives does not come from a responsibility, guilt, or persuasion. The kind of love that she gives comes from a Christ-like heart.
Ashley is funny. To see Ashley smile and laugh melts my heart. There is rarely a time we are together when we do not make it a point to laugh together. We spend so much of our time doing that, and I love every minute of it. We laugh at ourselves, the world around us, or just about anything. All that is required to have a good time with Ashley is to have a sense of humor. Some of my favorite dates are the ones where we sat in the car and talked and laughed. I know that Ashley's favorite date was seeing the movie "Race to Witch Mountain," but mine were definitely our talking and laughing dates. Just kidding about the movie babe. :)
Ashley is my best friend. It has been said that a true friend is one who makes doing the right thing easier. Ashley is unquestionably a very true friend to me. I love all the time I get to spend with friends and family. I feel that I do not get to see far too many often enough. However, my number one choice of where to spend my free time is still with Ashley. I don't feel I have to hide who I am, and I can completely and totally be myself. She doesn't judge me, yet she makes it easier for me to be better. I can tell her anything and I think she can tell me anything. We support and help each other and we are happy to be there for each other.
Ashley is a Mother in every sense of the word. She may not have the official title, but she is a Mother. Only a Mother can nurture as she nurtures. Only a Mother can loves as she loves. Only a Mother can worry as she worries. Only a Mother can care as she cares. And only a Mother can feel the feelings in her heart that she feels. I am lucky to have her as a Mother to ALL of the the children we have now and that we may be blessed with in the future. They are so blessed to have her in their lives to love them, care for them. and raise them up. There is no question in my mind of her divine nature as a sweet, nurturing, caring Mother. I am so grateful that all my children are lucky enough to call her their Mom.
Ashley is my love. A couple of years ago as events unfolded, I was not sure I ever wanted to be married again. I thought perhaps it was just not to be in this life. I would go on raising my two sweet kids and go on dates occasionally, but I may never remarry. I had a certain ideal of what I would like in a wife, but I was sure those kind of women would not be interested in me. Even if they were, I was not sure I could give them what I felt they deserved. Some barriers broke down over time, and some feelings fell dim, but much of those feelings remained. In this area, I had created a gray wall, blocking my view. Ashley continued to date me and show me her sweet, gentle kindness. One day when I looked at my gray wall, I saw something beautiful standing much taller and brigther on the other side. You see, instead of attacking my feelings, Ashley had just simply built a big beautiful palace on the other side of my wall. It was so inviting and amazing, that I had to tear down my own wall, so that I could see what was waiting for me on the other side. I am forever grateful for the palace she built. We now work together side by side to build it ever more beautiful and inviting for our family now and forever more.
Thank you Ashley for everything you are. I can't wait to spend eternity with you. I love you!
